We always knew that we wanted to start a family. We would always talk about where we want to raise our babies, what dream vacations we would take them on, and even bought baby Buzz Lightyear vans many years prior to actually starting our family. In the very beginning of our relationship, it was always a dream, but seemed like it would be just that, a dream. There were so many unknowns that it made starting a family seem impossible. Gay marriage wasn’t legal, both of our families didn’t know about our relationship, and I knew that some of my family wasn’t accepting. It felt like all the odds were stacked against us. Growing up, neither one of us saw or knew families with two parents of the same sex, and when you’re a young kid coming to terms with being LGBTQ+, you sometimes believe that having kids could not happen.
Once we got married and spoiled ourselves with some well earned vacations, we knew it was time to get the ball rolling. We had heard that for some couples it happens in a month, and others it can take years, and we knew that we were in a place in our lives that we were ready to take on the challenges of raising tiny humans. For us, it takes a little more effort, scientific help and money to be able to have a baby. We had so many questions that we needed the answers to.
Will our insurance help cover the costs of the treatments? How much will the entire process cost? Will it even work? All couples who struggle with infertility have these questions. The thing with fertility help, is that there is never a guarantee it is going to work. You might be shoveling out ten, twenty, even thirty thousand dollars, and still not get a baby in the end. This was a huge fear for us, and for any couple, but decided that there is no reward in life without taking risks.
Most parents spend their money for the baby decorating the nursery, filling the closet with the cutest clothes, and splurging on the best stroller. And don’t get me wrong, we were planning on all of those things as well, but we had to literally buy our baby. We didn’t only have to pay for the actual process, but we had to find a sperm donor, and buy our sperm! We didn’t know how much this would all cost, or where to even begin, besides calling my OBGYN and setting up an appointment, hoping they would be able to guide us in the right direction. Going into the appointment, we were so apprehensive not knowing what the reaction of the doctor would be, and if there would be judgement that we would have to deal with.
Luckily for us, we have the best group of doctors that we could ever have asked for. The initial conversation was a breeze, and the doctor didn’t even bat an eye. Instead, she got extremely happy and got us pamphlets for sperm banks and talked us through the entire process. We were pleasantly surprised that they were able to do through most of the process in the office, rather than a fertility clinic, as long as we didn’t have to do IVF (Invertro fertilization). Since I am the one who wanted to carry, we had to make sure that I was medically able to have babies. I knew that I have PCO, Polycystic ovaries, which would make it that much more difficult for me to get pregnant, but our doctor specializes in patients with PCO. Any female who has any type of reproductive issues understands my fears, and the constant worry that your body is going to fail you. Add the cost of the sperm and procedures on top of that, and you have one nervous uterus!
On to the next post…how did we pick our donor?